Yall. My writing lately. I just want to say I have four kids and I haven't slept through the night in four months. I am hanging onto threads of sanity some days and mostly resemble that hamster that teachers keep in elementary classrooms. AM I MAKING ANY PROGRESS? IS IT JUST ME OR DID I LITERALLY JUST LOAD ALL THIS SAME CRAP INTO THE DISHWASHER YESTERDAY? HOW IS LAUNDRY DAY AGAIN? Lest that sound like I am complaining, I am actually a very happy hamster. I run the wheel and I like it. So there. But, it's still hard to measure my actual progress. Thank you, Jesus, for GRACE.
Onto the actual purpose for this blog:
BUY THE TRUTH AND DO NOT SELL IT proverbs 23:23
What a lovely command that is from Proverbs. I want to purchase the Truth for my life and never ever let go. But I am tempted to ask the age old question today, what is the Truth? And what does it look like to purchase it? To spend my life on it? Because I certainly do NOT want to waste time and money buying opinions and preferences.
I am feeling pretty angsty today. It's going to translate into this blog and in all of the all caps words...can't help it. Angst will come out even if only through punched out letters on a keyboard. I was up several times last night feeding a tiny human and reading chapters of a book written by a popular Christian author and I've had so many debates in my head with this author (who shall remain nameless) that I am now feeling like a two liter of soda someone shook up all day. SOMEBODY LISTEN TO ME.
This is my real issue with most Christian books: we are mostly opinion. Even when we quote a lot of verses, how we apply them can be opinionated. We can maneuver and manipulate and try to project on our audience the lens through which we see life. The problem is, nobody else has the exact same experience or mentors or childhood or factors that make up that lens. So I'm really bothered by this book because I wish the author would have started out something like this:
"Hey, these are my humble attempts at making sense of life. I am trying to read my Bible every day, stay in a healthy community, and process with the Holy Spirit on all of these issues. But most of this book is what I am learning or have learned and so it comes with a lot of opinions. Please don't use me to create a theology around. Please keep your brain intact the whole time. Glean where you can, leave what you need to. Feel free to disagree with me. Because, after all, the Truth is not a methodology, a systemized list of rules, or even a philosophy. The Truth is a Person and His name is Jesus. He asked in John 14 for the Father to send the Spirit of Truth to us, and so you have to consult with the Holy Spirit and ask Him for truth. I am truly sorry if my opinions on the following pages are presented as fact. Please be discerning and take what bothers you to people you trust and the Holy Spirit. Enjoy reading my thoughts."
This introduction would help me so much. It would set me up with expectations, and a careful filtering system. I wouldn't have to dislike the author so much. I wouldn't get so worked up. Oh, you just totally disarmed this whole firing squad in my head. You are not God. I am not either. Your experience with life isn't threatening Truth. We are not against each other. We are working this thing out side by side and we don't have to see everything perfectly alike to move the same direction. I can hear you and not have to think if I keep reading you are going to slowly dismantle all of my history with God. Thank you, boundaries.
If you and me were to strap all the kids in some double joggers and take a walk this is what I'd answer to that question:
I am learning that we can be on the same team and not have perfect agreement on every topic.
Like, I actually have ZERO friends who see life just the way I do. My own husband is on my team, he is so for me, he is my biggest encouragement. But he doesn't agree with every thought process I have or have to feel all my feelings or think all my thoughts.
Sometimes in conversation with Chad, I'll be mystified when he doesn't come to the same conclusion that I have. So I spend the next day and a half presenting the situation from a bunch of different angles, helping him examine it just the way I do and am always disappointed that he still has a different conclusion. He has original thought. His brain and my brain are really different. Different used to mean division. WHAT?? YOU LIKE RAP MUSIC? HOW DO WE SHARE THE SAME BATHROOM??
Do you know how glad I am that Chad and I are different? I am so glad he doesn't share my tendency to overdramatize, overshare, overprocess. When something happens that sends me reeling, I am so grateful to ask him for his thoughts because his reaction is usually so wise and centered and so NOT MINE. Thank You, Jesus, that opposites attract.
I am also realizing lately how much I assume people agree with me. In regular conversation, I am tempted to alter certain phrases, swap out words, add in a few sentences so that what someone else is saying is actually what I wish they'd say. Like, how can I convince myself we perfectly agree so I feel peaceful with you? But maybe the whole point isn't that my closest friends and I would automatically agree on and think the same things. Maybe listening, and hearing what people are saying is more important than agreeing with them. We can actually have a conversation where we disagree and neither of us tried to persuade the other one. What a revolution that would be.
Do you know what is the scariest thing? GOD DOESN'T AGREE WITH ME. (I almost wanted to add 100 percent of the time and now I'm laughing out loud. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM.)
I am so obsessed with being right. Maybe that's not your bent. But it's for sure mine. I think it's actually RIGHT that I never use garlic from a jar but I press my own garlic cloves and my hands smell like it for days, and I've actually been offended that my sister overcooks her egg whites in front of me because softly scrambled eggs are gospel truth. I cannot believe it when a friend likes a hoppy beer or unsweet tea or gas station coffee (why is this all revolving around food?). I guess the point is, I think even how and what I eat is right.
Opinion can so easily feel like truth. Preference can feel like truth. But that doesn't make it true. Are you ever amazed when one of your closest friends can watch, read or listen to something you hate? Or are you ever genuinely stumped when they are friends with someone that you just cannot seem to get into? Being different is so exciting and terrifying at the same time.
I guess the point is, it would be worth the time to sort through our opinions and truths and figure out which is which. Is it true that everyone should do this and this or is that just my opinion? We'll actually have to crack open the Bible and weigh our thoughts- " A JUST WEIGHT IS HIS DELIGHT". I love how Psalms says that God stores up sound wisdom for the upright. I can ask Him what He thinks. Truth is not at the mercy of my opinions, or anyone else's. We are so dreadfully impatient to figure out where the boundaries are- to push for rules and codes and bedrock so we can justify our lives and our thoughts. I am so glad that the gospels don't disclose what kinds of food Jesus ate or what His hour by hour day looked like. I am certain that what we have in the Word is enough to build a life on. The other things, the opinion things, can be left as opinions. We can have them and celebrate them and share them, but we cannot make other people obey them or absorb them or adopt them.
Thank you Jesus, that YOU are the Truth. The living, breathing, forever reigning Truth that we all so deeply long for and crave. Reveal Yourself today.
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