Sunday, February 15, 2009

I had to stop tonight and wonder at myself. I am so busy making sure I am who I say I am, and that my indentity is not stolen by anyone. Things I say, things I wear, things I do, all compiling into this image I am constantly trying to emit.
And if ever someone encroaches upon my idea of myself, either with too similar of characteristics, or with disdain for how I've made myself appear, I get deffensive. Walls go up, and my heart grows desperate to maintain my idea of self.
What if I stopped trying so hard to be the woman I think I am? What if I yielded to be unseen, to be undefined, for a season. To let the world pass me by with it's identity crises, and to simply live and love God and others.
Franis Chan once gave a sermon about when he went home to Hong Kongand had relatives and strangers alike say to him, "You so big". Being 5'9", and living in America, Chan knew he was only big in comparison with the people he was surrounded by in Hong Kong. In America, he was average, to say the least. I find myself in similar situations all of the time. Depending on who I am around, either I am so big, in my identity and giftings and abilities, or else I am simply struggling to maintain average.
I'd like to alleviate some of my stress, and simply be Charis by obedience to God. To let someone else steal my loves, perform my giftings better, and display more passion for my interests. What is so bad about being outside of a box? Why not love God, love others, and leave and entrust the details of my own identity to the One who knows me best. He doesn't see me in comparison to those around me. He sees me. He knows what makes me the Charis He created.
May we be content to know our Maker knows the secret to our identity, the depth of our passions, and the extent of our giftings. Let's aim to please Him. He can surely put us back on our feet.

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